These are better things.

Okay fine, it's been awhile

2011-03-28T02:45:00.001-04:00

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Who said it? I don't remember. I think that applies to all written works. Here's one of mine I've dabbled with the past couple nights. It amuses me. Also, it obviously got reformatted in the copy and paste. I'm not screwing with it. Goodnight.

KandS:

The two walked down the sidewalk with arms locked. That way if one of them tripped because the tree roots had screwed up the walkway the other could prevent a skinned knee. Or worse, a hole in a pair of designer jeans.

"Love is light," she said.
"It was darkness that brought us together."
"The glow on from your face says different."
"You can't see the hardness of my heart," he said before he has a chance to realize those words must sound absurd. "What I'm trying to say is we've been fooling

ourselves. You've been fooling me. I've been fooling myself."
"Ken, I never was smart enough to fool anybody. I just go with my feelings and if it makes me feel good then I keep following. And feeling you makes me feel good."

Me too, Ken thought. Feeling her makes me feel good. But is it because of love...or something else? Is it because I want to be her feelings that lead her where she

goes? That perhaps, I could be the one to lead her in the right direction. Call it duty.

"Listen, Shondelle. I feel like I'm just performing services. You love me because I do these things for you. You love me for what I'm not."
"No, no! I love you, Ken. I'd love you even if you did nothing for me. I'd love you if all we did was walk around this neighborhood yellin' at the hoodrats. I'd love

you if you ignored me most of the time. Just tell me you love me back."

The couple had by this point arrived at the playground. Ken grimaced at the wasp nests and missing swings. He wouldn't have used that broken down set anyway because

there was nobody to sue when he fell off and busted his arm. It wasn't sunny. It wasn't cloudy, either. Where was the weather?

The pair dangled from the monkey bars face to face like laundry out on the line to dry, but with the people still inside the clothes. Ken noticed he'd been making

Shondelle walk further than would keep her fresh. Her arm pits were drawn up alongside her face in a way that showed a viscous melted layer of deodorant. She was no commercial.

"You see what we're doing here, Shondelle? We've been hanging from these monkey bars for longer than just now. Soon one of our hands will get sweaty or I'll get tired of

smelling your stank and we'll drop to the ground in a mangled heap of despair. I'd rather let go on my own accord."

"So I'll drop with you, Ken. Don't I always? I never was that strong but with you I don't have to be..."

"See what I mean? I can't be strong enough for the both of us, Sweet Sugar. That's too much. I'm only a man."

Ken felt the stickiness of sweat seep through his palms and lather up the monkey bar. It was only a matter of time before he fell to the wood chips below where a sliver

of wood ached to infect into his thumb. His panic only made him sweat further and think foggy. He grew desperate. "Baby, please..." Ken thought he felt a breeze,

or was it a rain?

"Getting sweaty, Sweety? Don't panic, you'll only make it worse. Did you never play on these as a kid? No wonder you're so serious. Look, baby. follow me."

Shondelle maneuvered herself so she and Ken faced the same direction. She swiftly moved her right hand to the next bar in front of her. Her left hand quickly followed.

She had advanced one monkey bar forward toward the safety of the platform eleven more bars away. "You do things the right way, you're going to make it before you even

get a chance to fall," she declared. She moved another bar forward. And another. Soon she was showing off and didn't need to stop at each bar, or even have both hands

on a single bar at one time. It seemed she was in fact, a monkey. She landed safely on the platform and smiled at Ken. "Nothing to it. You can do it."

Ken was no fool. He knew what he had to do. But how? He had seen Shondelle do it right in front of him. But could it really be that easy? Life isn't easy, it's not

supposed to be easy. And yet a woman he had supposed as weak now showed the upper body strength of a gorilla. Ken thought, "I'm a gorilla, too. I'm a bonobo. Hell, I'm

a fucking human being." He loosened the grip of his left hand to see if his right one could hold on. No sweat. Then he moved his right one. A million thoughts raced

through his head. About how he was doing it. About how he was doing it for Shondelle, but more importantly himself. He did want to be with her. She proved her

strength. They could help each other. They could last. They could be somebody. Together.

In his excitement for the future he forgot to pay attention to the present.

He fell from the bars and onto his neck with such a snap that Shondelle vomited where she stood. It was the last thing Ken would see.

more than one way to go

2011-01-08T02:23:00.002-05:00

all graduated.

next step?

how about trucker school?

wish i cared more about the things i care about.

DX Sleeps with Guys

2010-11-10T13:44:00.003-05:00

s a
h n
a d
c s
k t
l o
e n
s e.
the cold
still fright-
ful and
complete coaxes
breath from
lungs,

the icy glue binds flesh to steel,
in turn binds hands and makes me kneel.
familiar phantoms creeping close
run fast away when near their host.
eyes fixed, ears tuned, there's little hope
the senses find the safety rope.
men of their making know not of fate
yet still achieve that "something great."
so why should i resign so quick,
lose heart and die when i'm but sick?

the hour upon us is great

2010-08-09T02:35:00.000-04:00

So I've been told. Time and time again.

I hate that damn phrase/cliche/proverb:

live every day like it were your last.

isn't it impossible not to?

We'd forget to do that most days, anyway.

I can't recall ever trying to sleep at night and thinking to myself, "Oops, didn't live today like it were my last. Better not sleep just yet. Might not wake up. What a terrible waste of a day."

Waste of a day? There is a large chance that in any given day you have touched somebody in a way you couldn't have imagined. In other words, that isn't something you could do on purpose if you were trying to live a day as if it were your last.

I guess you could up to some extent. Such as doing a favor for somebody. However, I believe it's the times you don't mean to impact somebody that has the greatest influence.

Thank you, but I'll live each day like I'll be here tomorrow. And God will take me when he sees fit.

summerissoursweet

2010-07-18T20:23:00.000-04:00

I've been to a couple Braves' games, participated in a few mind games. Work at a place that requires games, ain't got no energy for my own games.

Work in progress, suggestions appreciated:

Sea(son)

i have never enjoyed anything
the way an old lady enjoys
a georgia peach. she is attracted
to the sticky nectar like a buzzing bug.
her smacking lips signal the doomed fruit
to say its final prayers, and she slurps
down her first mighty gulp.
she sits alone at her oak sized table, unaware
or uncaring, about the droplets of juice
clinging to her over-powdered mustache hairs.
all but blind eyes don't notice the stains of Barbie-red
lipstick that every denture chomp leaves behind, but
her worse-for-wear tongue cannot taste its chalkiness
over the memory of bygone summers.
and so i picture myself picked from the earth-tree,
placed amongst others in a basket, and admired as a seasonal centerpiece. it will not take long before my mushy flesh
begins to bruise and my summer scent leaves on the breeze.
that is when i will be tossed, regrettably uneaten, into the sundry compost.

This doesn't mean anything

2010-03-25T12:47:00.002-04:00

On Passing a Quiet Moment With a Pensive Moon

Sitting on a hillside with a solitary gaze
Towards the grass and trees and upwards
To the silver stars. My breath creates a humid haze
That curls into the frigid darkness and sticks to
A lonely blade of thirsty grass.
I lift a tired hand up to the North Star
And let it sit, silhouetted against its own
Blackness until it is slowly lit
By a subtle sun. And I glanced back towards
The hill and saw frost clinging for life to that silver
Blade of grass in the warmth of the coming morning.

List

2010-03-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

I love how commercials take us for suckers. Put bright colors and nifty graphics in front of anybody and you're sure to sell your product. I'm a sucker for consumerism.

To Kill A Mockingbird is on AMC and the movie is great and the book is great. I should be doing this response for my sci fi class but I can't think of anything to write.

I went to advising for the last time ever. Need to turn in the application for graduation.

I think I'm going to Chicago for spring break.

That just ain't even real

2010-02-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

I'll tell you what's real. Maybe later.

I would like to speak of an experience of mine.

One day, after receiving a test grade of 92 and taking another test I feel like I did well enough on, I left class with my dear friend Lindsay. She is a deer, not a dear. That's not the point. She dropped me off at my apartment and I came inside and was like, "Oh holy great goodness! I have homework and what not to get done this week! That way, I can go to Perry for the rodeo this weekend!"

And so, instead of sitting down to read and figure out what to write a paper about, I went into the kitchen and I cleaned things that hadn't been cleaned in years. It was pretty awesome. I cleaned for a couple hours. SuperXcore. Then Jane called me and said TAYLORWE'REGOINGTOEATCHICKFILANOWBECAUSEI'MSOFREAKINGHUNGRY!!! So we ate. Then we played video games at the Fun Factory. Jessica beat me in skeet ball.

I got home and cleaned more. Then I watched Bloodsport. Then I made my way into my room to do homework.

That is all. If you think my life is boring, you don't have a life.

It's been a while

2010-01-26T00:39:00.000-05:00

since I've written in this thing. I guess there's a reason for that. I've been having fun which takes up a good bit of time. I would like to be one of those people that dedicate their lives to something and become very good at it, but I am sure they sacrifice doing other things they love doing to become great. I am willing to sacrifice greatness in a single discipline to make certain memories with my friends or doing something that I feel has great worth.

I think I have a poem due for one of my classes in the coming weeks. I think I am going to work on this thing I wrote a number of months ago:

I found deep in this brain a man that was somehow slain not too long ago, though he may tell you he hasn't had fresh air in years. He came screaming my name from where I had buried him in the yellow fat of my foot. He caught a ride in the swift current of my overworked blood to his destination in my under worked brain. Upon arrival, he whispered only, "Don't forget me."

I live in a new house and it rules.

homehomehome

2009-12-22T03:45:00.000-05:00

It is a very strange place, an awkward change of pace.
Still bills to pay, no room to play.
From king to crony.

That's right. I go from king of my castle to doing chores like I was 8 years old okay, though perhaps with more complicated tasks. And I don't mind doing these things at all, it's just that I am asked to do them as if I was 8 years old still. Today I had to "clean the baseboards like Santa was watching." A joke, poking light at work, as it were. Even so.

Anyway. I haven't told the landlords I'm moving out of Brookwood and into Sustella. I guess I should do that. I need to go to Valdosta to move all my stuff before the 31st. That will be quite a task. That involves cleaning the living snot out of the old B-Wood 2-5. And I will miss that place but not really.

It will be fun to live with Ryan and Riley though I am sad to see Mr. Herrera leave.

On some more happy news, tomorrow I go to Newnan to see my splendid Jane dear. That will make me happy.

Here's a joke:

A man was walking to his seat on an airplane and he passed by a woman who had carrots in her ears. Trying to be polite, the man stopped and said, "Ma'am, you have carrots in your ears." She took no notice and continued reading her magazine. He tried again, a little louder. "Ma'am. Excuse me, but you have carrots in your ears." Still, no response. Determined to get this situation resolved the man tried once more and much louder. "MA'AM YOU HAVE CARROTS IN YOUR EARS." This time the lady looked up at him and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you saying something?I couldn't hear you. I have carrots in my ears."

Monsturd

2009-12-14T02:48:00.000-05:00

I want to watch this movie. I plan on doing it soon. This dude gets killed by cops or something then falls in a company's toxic waste dump then kills people through sewer lines or something.

But it was nice to see the rain falling steadily on my drive back home from school. The storm crescendoed and then fell to nothing by the time I got onto 675. Because of my three simple windshield wiper speeds, driving home in the rain is something of less than desirable conditions, solely for the sake of my safety. But this was a good rain. A heavy mist of high visibility.

I've been looking forward to being home to repeat my self constructive man therapy by donning my thickest wool, gettin jacked up on coffee, and chopping wood to build that perfect Christmas home fire that would hopefully save our living room from falling into the woods where coyotes would raise their children and feed them dinners of our favorite house cats every night.

The wood is wet, and will not dry, for another two or three hundred years.

The hunt will begin soon. If I may say some lines of dialogue in the manner to which Steven Seagal is accustomed:

Me: Is this the tarp that flew away and got my wood wet??
Wood pile: The very same, dawg.
Me: Is this the axe I would have violently split you open with?
Wood pile: Hey, man. This ain't personal...that tarp...he was crazy
Me: Oh. I see. So, you, a wood pile, decided you knew what was best for my family. Is that right?
Wood pile: Naw man. Come on. We were doing. What was best. For us.
Me: So you like living with the wood beetles and centipedes? Because my family doesn't. And nobody knows what's best for my family. But me. Now you listen to me. I'm going to bake you in the desert sun. So that when you're dry. I can chop you in half, in quarters, in eighths, and drop you to the ocean you low down, selfish, scum sucking rodents learn that life isn't always about getting wood.

I think I need to sleep.

Meh

2009-12-07T21:33:00.001-05:00

I like when I have put work into something, but I don't like working on something.

Finals week.

I realized

2009-11-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

That I learn most when I don't think I'm going to learn.

We pick things up without even knowing.

"I can learn just as much sitting on my couch thinking to myself as I can in a boring class that isn't worth anything." Or "I can just read the book later." Those things have their limits, methinks.

Maybe I'm just spurting out nonsense because Thompson wants a paper concerning a common theme between The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and I don't want to do the obvious one concerning the duality of man. Duh. Boring. But I have too much to do to find/think out anything else.

EXPLOOOOOSSSIOONONONONNNN!!!!1

2009-11-03T16:46:00.002-05:00

There are these two girls that sit behind me in my New Testament class and they "don't come to class if it's raining. UGH!" (direct quote). Anywho, they love to talk. They really love to talk. They like to talk to much they don't stop talking all the way through class. Not even whispers. Just casual conversation. I have learned a few things about these two girls over the course of a few weeks just from keeping an annoyed but ever attentive ear. One likes to pass the roll sheet to her left to the other instead of passing it forward to me like she should. Our row often has to go up to the teacher after class and sign the roll sheet because of this.

On the cover of their folders they have 9th grade-ish type doodles where they have elaborately decorated their names (Megan and Chelsea) with only bright gel pens. No shortage of hearts and what not. Underneath their names are written things like "Baby Daddy" and "Baby Mama." Strange.

Chelsea's middle name is Gay. Or Gaye.

Megan came in today and before she even sat down, "OMG. Can we just talk about how mad my knee hurts? I got out of bed and it hurt. Like, it hurts." Poor Megan.

Chelsea wonders why her parents have a problem with her dating a 32 year old man who has three kids with another woman. "It isn't their life!" Ya know what I found out the very next class? Chelsea is pregnant with yet another one of those guys kids.

Megan had to go to the hospital the other day because her "vagina was hurting so bad! This is the worst it's ever been!"

Chelsea is stressed because she is tired, has a paper due, a test, and PROBATION, all in the same day.

I don't know what she did to get probation. I'm kind of thinking I heard incorrectly and her "baby daddy" might have probation.

Mind you, these are all things they're talking about that everybody around them can hear.

I shouldn't gossip and talk behind people's backs and all, but when I go to New Testament class, I want to hear the teacher.

During that class, I often write things because I can't hear and I am currently working on a poem that I am finding quite hilarious. It will come soooooon.

Class is boring

2009-10-23T09:59:00.002-04:00

So I wrote these things off the top of my head to pass the time:

To bring a man a squirrel
is not a thing to fear
for many things are scary yet
your heart is far too soft.
Look not into the eyes of beasts
but deeper to their souls.

To cure the itch
of boredom-bites
use Preparation H
on all the holes
and sphincter tubes
and wherever washcloth goes.

Read lightly, drink heavily
write slowly, think quickly,
pick many friends, pick fewer noses
or wipe on the crotch of your pants.

Poke a baby with a stick
pretend that it's a snake.
Watch it slither, watch it slide
like doo-doo through a Play-Doh set.

Please tell what turns you on.
It must be life, it must be death!
It must be staring at your dead parrot's chest.
Don't make those eyes, don't say those lines
You've gone too far, anon!
The only thing that gets my goat
is eating cottage cheese.

I was depressed, save for a while
a darkened room, a paddle fan
the dust-rain clouds all thought.
Then you came along with an unlit torch
and for my heart you fought.

I turned away 'til another day
when pride had drowned
and fear felt smoked.
No more to drink, no more to toke.
My watered eyes have set the flame ablaze.

It's been a while

2009-10-21T15:47:00.000-04:00

Shut up, Staind. But really, everybody had that CD, except for me. Break the Cycle? What Cycle?

Here's what's going on:

It's Jessica's birthday.

Her mother bought us all the seasons of Arrested Development. I am finally able to watch it. Already hilarious and wonderful.

I have papers to do and tests to take surprise surprise.

My delicious home brew is almost done brewing, unless you are Kevin Dowling because then it is already finished because you can't wait.

I have things I want to do but responsibility is gay as a crotch.

Here You are

2009-09-29T11:56:00.002-04:00

When college is busy it's weird. I always have work to do, but sometimes it just seems to escalate. It's hard to remember there are about one billion people with far more to do than me. Some people have this much to do all the time, and I complain about one week.

Regardless, I will be glad when it is over.

I bought a beer brewing kit. It's fermenting in my closet right now. Or so I think. The valve isn't bubbling, but I have all the other signs of fermentation. It's a wheat beer. So far, it smells delicious. Saturday is bottling day.

That's what I did with my birthday money.

Also with my birthday money, I took Kate and Sam and Jessica and myself out for a double date at Sonny's. It was fun even though I don't think Sam liked the food very much. But it was something I wanted to do.

I've been getting reacquainted with the David Crowder Band. So good. Let us be the remedy.

What up with the what up

2009-09-15T19:48:00.002-04:00

Mutemath.

The Chupacabras two-pitch softball team is going to dominate tonight and it's just a fact. We're looking past our 19-1 loss to the Cradle Robbers. They won the championship last year, anyway.

My birthday is coming up, and the double deuces is pretty menacing. I went through my midlife crisis about halfway through the big two one so I can't imagine how I'll feel once I'm 22. What makes me old? I notice things every now and then that make me cringe. Like how I don't really stay up past 2 AM anymore whereas I used to never go to sleep before that time. My poor body can't handle it. As sexy as it is...

Oh, also. Jessica and I are now officially dating. I call her Jane Skinnybottom.

Quite so, old chap

2009-08-29T12:46:00.004-04:00

Well, last night was fun. I'm going to see Tenth Avenue North tonight. That should be. Pretty good.

I also just got my last pay check from the summer. I'm $420 richer. Hot dog! Which reminds me that I'm hungry. There are saltines so close to me right now...

I had the swine flu for 24 hours. Believe it.

Lost three discs playing disc golf yesterday. Worst I've ever played, regardless of losing those.

I'm really quite restless.

So cut my wrists and black my eyes.

That better, Steph?

That's what I said

2009-08-18T17:38:00.002-04:00

The new Mutemath album is quite good.

I've already done homework. And have more to do today. But, of course, technology is being stupid and won't let me open the syllabus which has the assignments on it.

Beat me up. Break my ribs.

Get in there

2009-08-15T13:19:00.001-04:00

Back in dah dirty souff at dah dirrrty V.

I realized this semester is going to be super hard. What have I gotten myself into?

Some things are fun to do, and others are not.

Sanibel

2009-08-10T00:06:00.002-04:00

Was fun.

But now that I am home I realize I have to go back to Valdosta. That made me realize my brother isn't there. This made me very sad. I have spent every day with him this summer. And, because I don't have a room here at home anymore, we have slept in the same bed. Basically, Sam has been my wife. And I will miss him a lot.

But I miss all my Valdosta friends. And I will have a lot to occupy my brain. My pitiful, mushy brain.

omg!

2009-08-04T17:00:00.001-04:00

I'm like, so totz in Florida and itz amazzzzzing!

Really, it is.

I saved a baby sea turtle from certain doom.

I am growing impatient.

I was thinking about blogs

2009-08-01T00:42:00.002-04:00

I hate when people make a special blog for their super awesome once in a lifetime trip to all the historical sites to Europe.

I am thinking about this because I am going to Florida tomorrow. I have been to Florida before. I have been to Florida a million times. I would rather vay-cay somewhere else but Florida is always cost efficient because we have so much family down there.

My point is, I will not be updating this blog every time I can spare a few extra Euros to sit at a stodgy cyber cafe and upload some pictures. Instead, picture this:

Me. In a bathing suit. On a beach. Much like any of you have done before.

I have to wake up in four hours so I can go to sleep.

Heh heh

2009-07-28T23:16:00.003-04:00

OMGz lol I am totz like playing Halo online all the time because I'm too layzee to do anything elss.

I'm leaving for Sanibel on Saturday. Friday is my last day of work at Goddard and this makes me somewhat sad. It has been a good job. The best I've had. Some people that work there will tell you, "Well, that's not saying too much, eh?" But they just think they're making a hilarious joke. Your job could be worse.

I find myself anxiously awaiting my return to the dirty V, but will miss my dear old family. That rhymes, write it down.

"How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that you want to do."

I don't make wish lists

2009-07-22T22:47:00.002-04:00

But I wish I wasn't forced into a life where the present moment only exists to prepare for the next moment. And we're pushing forward and forward and forward and forward. Towards? Perhaps we fall backwards a time or two, though "the smart ones actually use that as a step forward." Society smiles upon that. But not for long, it prefers to frown.

I prefer to live up to another person's expectations, which are really not all that great or large.

Peachtree TV

2009-07-12T21:16:00.000-04:00

Really sucks.

Except when they're playing Seinfeld or Family Guy or The Steve Harvey Show. Today they played the same movie about 6 different times. Then played another movie 3 different times. And another one twice.

Maybe I've just been watching too much television today.

Maybe it's just my day off and I can do what I want.

Oh, except watch Family Guy when my parents get home even though I cleaned the kitchen and made 100000 copies of my dad's demo CD for him.

Not a "Hey kids, how was your day?" But a "Turn off Family Guy, I don't want you guys watching that."

Oh, well. I get paid Wednesday.

the night's disguise is wearing thin

2009-07-07T20:27:00.003-04:00

It sure is nice to be home and kick back and not worry about too many obligations. I guess this is due to the fact that I don't have many people in Buford I don't hang out with. Whereas in the dirty V, I get about 2 trillion calls a day to hang out and do stuff. I have also realized summer is basically half over and I haven't done much of what I've wanted to, other than take it easy. I've wanted to read a lot of books, and I'm only half way through my first one (though it is very good. I want it to last {that's what she said}).

I get home from work. And eat dinner. And do something or another with my brother. Then get to sleep pretty early. Stupid work.

We finally got some internet here in the Morgan household. It's been fun to get an old computer calibrated and fixed up to handle such an institution. Viruses and everything.

Haven't been to church in 30 years.

I write sometimes:

I was told once by a man on the street that a man’s life is random, slow, thoughtless, fast, and organized. He told me this was true because a person’s life never stayed the same, nobody can be “frozen in time” as I have often heard. “I chose long ago to never be content with where my life was,” he told me. He stared just above my head to a street sign that would appear more like an awkward hat if a person had crooked depth perception. I was unable to tell if he had a lazy eye or if he was just a chameleon in disguise. “It’s when you’re content that you should be most afraid.” I pondered on this for a moment as he hummed a low guttural groan. “If you are satisfied, you are not moving forward.” While this was all quite fascinating, I was losing interest. It sounded like one of those lectures you knew was completely true, but you’d never really realize it until it actually happened to you.

I'm sailing on a ship

2009-07-05T04:00:00.002-04:00

...that's bound for life.

Phil Wickham is the man. So is Billy Currington.

I just realized that it's 4 AM Sunday morning and I've been awake since 6:45 Saturday morning. The Peachtree was fun. However, I now feel like an old man because my knees are killing me.

Sometimes, it is difficult to keep the important things in mind.

Well

2009-06-03T20:07:00.002-04:00

I should really keep up with this thing more. But I am having a difficult time even managing myself. My room and apartment are pretty disgusting. I'd really like to clean it but running away home for the rest of the semester seems easier. Of course, I'll have to clean this place right after I get back from a much needed vacation to Sanibel Island for the first week of August. This will be my first real vacation in a couple years (the last time being to the island just south of Sanibel). This is extra cool because my godfamily (is that a word) invited us to go, so we don't have many of our own expenses. Which is good because we can't afford to take vacations ourselves. Surprise.

I've felt like a selfish tool lately. Time to fix that, I guess.

Summer has made me promises.

Well

2009-03-09T13:05:00.000-04:00

Been a while since I updated.

Let's keep it that way.

Narrow

2009-01-25T04:15:00.001-05:00

We really are always caving in about ourselves. We try to get through narrow tunnels and passageways as we weave our way farther and darker down and then we get the feeling that something strange might be lurking around in this blackness. And then you realize that you have to really strip away that part of you. Peel back each little slice. Because this is the you that you feel you are, when you lay down, maybe not even during the night, and you close your eyes, and with your tired mind, you try to form thoughts. And you want so desperately to clear your head to even imagine being able to think at a time like this. And when you can finally think, you think about the things you’ve done that you don’t like. And you feel sorry, ashamed. And you think about how cliché it all sounds, but right now you don’t care. Where did caring ever get anybody? And you silently know to yourself, this isn’t how you’re supposed to be. But you don’t know any other way, so you keep on and no big deal. No big deal.

I finally read it.

2009-01-18T03:15:00.002-05:00

My godmother sent me an e-mail not too long ago. I never read it, knowing I'd need it for another time. After finally reading it, I think that a time when these words aren't needed does not exist:

Taylor,
This song is for you today from Jesus.
I hear Jesus today...I see Him. Today. Some days He is not so clear to me. Some days my view of Him is obstructed. Some days, I can't see Him because a million other sights and sounds have captured my attention. Yet it does not mean He is not there. He shows up in every minute, every breath we take. He is there. It comforts me to know this on the days that are cloudy...and on nights when there is only darkness around me....You know, one of my favorite things to do is to lay on the ground at night and look up at the night sky. I love that perspective. Flat on my back looking up at a universe that God created....a million stars in the sky..and I feel so safe with rock solid ground under me. I imagine at those times the ground hard and solid and so big, to be His hand under me...holding... me... safely stretched out on it....and I imagine the sky to be a beautiful view that He and I look at together. The stars, they take my breath away and I am always reminded of Psalm 8. "When I consider the heavens the works of your fingers the moon and the stars which you have created....what is man that you art mindful of Him or the son of man that you do care for Him......." I love that feeling of God's hand holding me come what may...and some nights when I look up...the clouds obscure the view....the stars cannot be seen....and all seems.....gray and dark......I have walked on a cloudy night with rain and drizzle falling around me...and God has spoken to my heart , "though it is dark, though the stars are obscured from your view....It is not dark to me and the stars are still there though hidden by passing clouds at this moment" Those words reassure me...now when I walk and I see a cloudy sky, I say to myself, the stars are still there, simply hidden right now, and soon...just a little further down the road... I will see them again. It comforts me and reassures me that God sees them now. God has helped me to see...it is like this with Him....the heavens declare the glory of God the universe a remarkable display of His creativity and every man's face a masterpiece ....In His image...He created man. God comforts my heart, that He is close and so near....and that He shows up in the seconds of my days...even when I can't see Him. He is here. Emmanuel...God with.....me. God with us.
It is something that gives me Hope on the darkest and scariest days.....the days when I feel that I have blown it....or the days when I worry that I have let someone down.....the days when try as I might...I search and search and I can't see Him or feel Him..or even touch Him....it helps me to know and remember that when I can't see Him or feel Him and all seems like it could be lost.....God is not lost. He can see me. He can feel me. He knows where I am. He will not let go. He never lets go.
He has made many promises and though I have made a few and lived to break them....He keeps every promise He ever made to me...and the one I hold most dear when I am afraid ...of myself...or life....or others....the promise that He made that comforts me and encourages me most is this......"and no one can take them out of my hand....."
You are loved so deeply and powerfully by the creator of the universe....on your best days and on your worst days....watch Him Taylor, see how He loves you...
Lexi gave me a song recently I want to give it to you today...it seemed it was straight from God's heart to mine....it was a rough day for me...the day she brought me this song...a day filled with sadness.....and the sky was gray...and I could not see...Him...and through the song…He reminded me....that I can't get away from Him...and that is the one thing I have feared the most throughout my life in Christ...I was afraid that one day..I might....get away from Him...and the words of this song were a reassurance to me that I can't get away from Him...He's got me. He's got you Taylor, and He loves you with a love that will not let you go...If you want to hear the song click on the blue letters at the bottom of this page..I like it.......and through it He reminded me that though I did did not know where I was going....He did and He was holding me....refusing to let go..and I could trust the one who was leading me even through the dark when I could not see.....I pray that if you listen to it...you will be reminded of how close He is to you...even when the sky is gray and you don't know where you are going....It is a wonderful assurance that He does. Psalm 139...The song "cant get away" by rush of fools.
You are an arrow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0fk1Rtvf5E

jennette (an old friend)

Throw a Stone

2009-01-12T13:00:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I imagine myself as a stone that has been smoothed down by lake water located deep within a forest where wild animals often come to drink. It is here that I sit from my spot on the beach where I am small and insignificant and watch until a passer-by kicks me over and all I can see is dirt.

I like the idea of being a rock that fits perfectly in a person's hand. Not completely smooth but not quite jagged. The weight is right and is that perfect kind of heavy and gives the indication that this rock would be perfect to throw. So though it feels nice sitting in your hand and you feel like you might want to take it home and use it as a paperweight, throw it. Throw it far and throw it hard. Throw it. Throw me somewhere I've never been.

Just some wishful thinking. Too bad rocks can't move on their own.

This Christmas

2008-12-09T20:40:00.002-05:00

Will be the most interesting thing to experience. And I'm sure God will make it a positive experience, though that is hard to see from where I'm sitting. When did things change like this? Just a year ago I was the recipient. One of the kids that goes along with the Christmas plans that were made by the grown ups (I would like to point out here that Ryan and I decided on the difference between 'grown up' and 'adult.' I am an adult. I am the age. I am right now going from adult to grown up.). The point is, this year, Christmas is in the hands of Lois and me. I think, this might be the first time that I will be able to fully understand that Christmas is not about the gifts. I've grasped the concept before. I've told myself that every year. But every year I've gotten gifts.

So the seasons change and grow older. And I am forced to grow up.

If I had to choose...

2008-12-07T20:16:00.003-05:00

...between having finals and not having finals. I would choose finals. Finals teaches you amazing study habits. Finals teaches you how to live on zero sleep. Finals is about you controlling your grade. Finals is an experience.

That's great and all, but if I can get an A and keep HOPE without finals, I'd choose that.

Thoughts on Pocahontas

2008-11-19T02:21:00.000-05:00

I’m sitting in my bed early this morning listening to Laura Veirs and my brain hurts. Maybe it’s my heart. Maybe when one is sick the other doesn’t work quite right. Either way. From the paragraph above it’s pretty easy to tell where my thoughts are. I wanted to post that on Facebook and so I didn’t say what I meant by that directly. I just wanted to hint at it. I wanted to say that God pulls at everybody’s heart. That sometimes your heart is the only thing you can hear. And that sometimes, your heart is the only thing you need to listen to because that is the home provided for Jesus. I just know that everybody gets that feeling that I have right now. And it’s something you want to ignore so it will go away. But you know it won’t. It might for a moment, for a few days, you might even go a few years, but it’s always going to come back, and it’s always going to make you feel the same way. And for me, I know this is happening right now because I haven’t spent any time with God in so long and now I am aching for Him so badly it nearly hurts. And I am glad for it, because it reminds me that so many people live like this, but don’t know what that aching in their heart is about. And they only need to be pointed in the right direction. But who am I to say they’re heading the wrong direction? Who’s to say that I’m right about any of this? How can I say I know what people are feeling and know the exact remedy? The very notion appears to be insulting. And yet with those questions in mind, I still firmly believe it all.

Spiders

2008-11-06T17:13:00.000-05:00

Last night we all came together. “Let’s come together,” we said to ourselves, and somehow it happened. The situation seemed a little awkward at first, but soon all was well and we were relaxed enough to say things that needed to be said. It felt good. It was right. We all came together for the same purpose. Outside it was the nighttime, though so early in the evening. Daylight savings had wreaked havoc on our clocks. The air was a little chilly, just enough to alter a person’s anatomy. Streetlights shone on the Spanish moss and I was afraid to blink. “So what are we to do?” we asked ourselves. “There’s only so much to say,” I said and tipped my glass in that manner that says, “You have no choice but to agree with me because what I said was so profound.”

A trip to the park is a good way to let the night wind down and it wasn’t so far. Just down the street a few blocks right near the intersection where I was twice nearly run over by two separate cars in the same day. There’s a bench underneath a tree that hangs over the creek. The creek doesn’t run at all. It’s just a series of stagnant pools working its way towards campus. After we had our fill, we walked to the front lawn. I did something there the other night I wanted everybody to experience, though I knew they wouldn’t feel the same. But there we stood at the edge of the front lawn, staring into the vastness ahead of us. “Close your eyes,” I say, “and walk as far as you can. Do not open your eyes at all. Do not be scared.” When the six of us finally opened our eyes, we were centered around the only obstacle in the entirety of the lawn, too close to broken noses.

Quiet.

2008-11-01T17:02:00.000-04:00

I imagine how quiet the world would be if for just one day motor vehicles were outlawed. Of course, I am not taking into account that all the world is day at once. But then imagine if on that night, all the lights were shut off so that perhaps we could see the stars. Do you remember that they’re still up there? Perhaps we could even hear the stars that night. But on the other hand, perhaps traffic really doesn’t make that much noise. At night, anyway. But like I was saying, maybe we should just find a way to outlaw all artificial noise so that we only hear natural sounds that God gave us. Perhaps if that happened I wouldn’t stay inside so much. In my room. Staring at neglected walls. But then I think, perhaps the natural world doesn’t make anymore natural sounds. And there is nothing left to hear. Or maybe I only need to search. And maybe. Just maybe. You need to come with me.

I wrote a song

2008-10-27T10:49:00.000-04:00

Here are the lyrics. Inspired by somebody that will most likely never see this.

I am well acquainted
With the prettiest month of the year
She smiles when she talks
And tries to hide her face from me
but looking at dear April
is like safely staring at the sun.

and all she’ll ever give me
are dreaded April showers.
And May will never come
To bring me pretty flowers
She’s found another moon
To complement her sun
Until she comes around
I’ll live every day in April
And pray another month
Will be more merciful

You’ve got one last chance
To show what you feel
And say it with words
You don’t understand
Use your mouth to tell me what you really mean
But don’t say a word

That's it, tell me what you know

2008-10-20T00:55:00.002-04:00

Any old lie will do. There was a time when comfort was close and truth was distant, and either through the passage of time or in the confidence of my mind I learned things a lot differently. And now our roles have switched. You put on my clothes of younger years so we look quite similar. But you expect me to teach you all the things you taught me but I'm afraid you won't get the expected results. Can you blame me?

I have spent too much time doing things that don't need to be done and thus ignoring the things that should be done and therefore make me feel horrible about myself. Do your stupid school work.

You asked me if I was scared.

2008-09-28T03:29:00.000-04:00

But I was too frightened to answer.

Strange seeing you somewhere I didn’t mean to be. Strange how you pick the strangest people to be around. It’s like one of those times you break your usual routine and discover something new. Something completely different. And so we went swinging in the park. The path was dark and we tripped over roots and I grabbed your hand in case you tripped. The roads, busy with traffic not too long ago, were now silent and it was curious to find one drive by every now and then. And so we sat down, our rear ends obviously had forgotten the strain a swing can put on the body. Legs worked together now, slowly at first. Momentum doesn’t come as easily as it used to. The lamp post nearby was doing a mediocre job. The dulled yellow light only enhanced the scene we were in. A painting it seemed. And how strange we must look! How can we, growing and mature individuals, only come to swing when it’s dark? When nobody will see us? And so we didn’t speak out of fear that our words would match the play ground. But that was okay except I needed something to distract me from my stomach ache and it was too dark to see your face. I looked anyway. Do you think you can make me feel better? I looked at the lamp post across the park; its light was a bit brighter. Time to go, the weather was cool but my mind was hot. My body needed to be as busy as my brain and so I said goodbye, perhaps knowing I’d find you here again.

We think too far behind.

2008-09-15T02:49:00.000-04:00

As I am unable to keep my eyes open, either from exhaustion or because my contacts were dry, and I have the lights out listening to Sufjan sing me his ways, all I can think about is how I don’t feel well. How I wished I was back home, lying on the couch surrounded by tissues and public television. How I wished it was like those days when both my parents worked (that didn’t last too long) and being sick was actually a good thing. It was having the whole house to myself. It was keeping the television turned down low so I could hear the birds outside just audible over all the noises an empty house might make. And I might drift in and out of sleep, depending on the mood of some rather fickle phlegm. And then 3:30 would roll around as brothers and sisters started coming in from school, picked up by my mother. And they would interrupt any peace and order I had created in my own sphere, my tiny bubble that only enclosed this house. Bubbles tend to pop far too easily.

But this wasn’t so bad. When people were around, they were able to see just how pitiful I was, how the sickness had ravaged my entire body, how I was too weak to even get up to use the restroom. And just as Mom would ask me if I need anything, Mr. Bean would knock over another vase. I needed something, I just didn’t know what. And so, to get back into my punctured sphere, I would down half a bottle of Nyquil, curl into a ball, and wait. And when I woke up, a few hours later, it would be night time and everybody would be in bed and I wondered what I missed. What had happened at dinner? Another family fight? Did Dad promise to run around outside naked again? Did they wonder if I might be hungry from not feeding myself all day? Do I have to go to school tomorrow? And I wouldn’t even be tired and the house would feel almost the same as it did before everybody came home: still and undisturbed. Public television the only light in the entire house. And that is about when I would decide that I was well enough to wake up the next day.

Olympics.

2008-08-18T12:55:00.002-04:00

I love the inspirational commercials during the Olympics. For two weeks once every four years everybody is united through the diversity and excitement of sports. It's beautiful.

Happy first day of classes everybody.

Real life draws near. Or is it already here?

The new place is sweet.

Oh sweet. Table tennis just came on.

And it's been a while

2008-07-09T13:32:00.003-04:00

Summer is slow. Though I am having fun.

It is nice to not be able to get online all the time. Once every week or so.

I don't have much else to say.

I started running again and it is going well.

I am ready to move back to Valdosta.

I need to go to the bathroom.

Well, well, well.

2008-06-04T12:22:00.002-04:00

Been a while since I've been here.

Summer summer.

Making a little money. Spending it quickly.

Waking up before work. Cleaning. Mowing. Playing a good bit of guitar. Sometimes it's fun.

This is the first summer in a while I haven't had somebody to pass the season with. Kind of strange.

What else is there?

Everything is stagnant.

Well

2008-04-30T13:20:00.002-04:00

So, after finding it difficult to find work every year of my life, this summer has offered me about 1 million jobs.

1. Yellowstone
2. Camp Highlands
3. Server at some restaurant
4. Camp Winshape
5. Damage control for my friend that teaches swimming lessons.

Okay, so that's only five. Either way.

First, I told Yellowstone people I'm not going there. I think I did, anyway. They're pretty stupid and can't interpret things.

Hillsong is crazy great.

Finals? Thought I had one this morning and last night I accidentally drank a little too much wine. Then I found out my final isn't until tomorrow. Woke up for nothing...

That whole selfishness thing is going pretty well.

I read a chapter in a book yesterday. The book is They Like Jesus, But Not the Church. The chapter I read was about women being in leadership positions inside the church. I think basically Dan Kimball's reasoning was this: People outside the church view the church as being dominated by males, sexist you know. And so we need to have women in leadership positions to change the opinions of people outside the church so that they will go to church.

It is easy to debate the subject.

I guess that's all, I leave you now with encouraging words from Sleeping at Last: you were meant for amazing things.

Selfish

2008-04-23T14:35:00.002-04:00

I have been dealing lately with the fact that I have been living very selfishly and have hence cut back on certain activities of mine to alleviate such a flaw.

So far so good.

More Summer Crap

2008-04-21T18:46:00.002-04:00

So after attending aforementioned conference, my feelings towards going to Yellowstone have waned. The stuff they want to do is so traditional and all. And I stick out like a sore thumb. These people are old fashioned and stodgy.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just don't see how mindlessly reciting the Apostle's Creed is so intimate anymore. Maybe at some time...Either way. I just feel like more and more people these days want to cut through all extra crap and actually learn something. Our packet at the conference says on our turn to speak during church to not speak about weighty things. You know, nothing heavy. Because people want to feel good.

How about I will say what I feel God wants me to?

Wrong, apparently.

Also, one thing that really didn't rub me right was how our conference leader guy stressed being a hard and diligent worker because we represented the organization. We have to make the organization look good, you know. But what about God? I like to do things for him more than anybody.

Either way.

So after discussing this with my parents, a few options have come up:

First, obviously. Go and play through the pain.

Second, stay in Buford and work at this restaurant they can supposedly get me a job at. I would work for a good hunk of the summer saving money, and then be done and hit the road with the money I made.

Third, go work at some camp I've never heard of with Jamie and either go traveling before or after that job is over.

Choice number three is rather appealing.

Yellowstone

2008-04-17T01:58:00.002-04:00

As the semester goes crazy right before it ends I am faced with a rather large decision: Yellowstone.

Here's the deal:

-No television
-No cell phone reception
-I am pretty sure no internet (anyone watch South Park tonight?)
-About half my pay check taken out for room and board
-Working in a dirty, stinking kitchen which I absolutely loathe.
-Not seeing friends and family I already don't get to see during the school year.

Now the good things:

-Like my English teacher said, "You aren't going to get the chance to work at Yellowstone very often. Especially before you really have to worry about finances." He also asks, "That spoon you have, it wasn't used for crack, was it? Are there burn marks?"
-God wants me there. And I have been ignoring Him long enough.

And among this decision comes the inevitable question: What is God's plan for me? Where am I supposed to go, and how am I supposed to get there?

Jesus is the way.

He said it Himself. And if He is the way, then you know it can't lead to a bad place. So that is what I'm going on.

I'm just terrified and scared.

Passion

2008-04-10T23:25:00.000-04:00

I am off to Passion this weekend. Get crunk.

Wud up

2008-04-07T21:23:00.002-04:00

Wud up dizzle dozzles.

Today was a day for days.

Starbuck's (how I hate that place) with D-Web. Quick conversations and headaches are pretty interesting.

I would trade the rest of my weekends if summer got here a week earlier. I've been beat down by classes for the past two weeks and it shows no sign of stopping. BFD, right? I will put up with this end of semester crap if I can just get to Yellowstone. If that ends up not working out I will be very sad and seriously wonder what God has for me because I feel so strongly the need to be out there. I need to get out there. And meet people. And be outside. And think myself for what myself is. And find a wife. And all of this while I get to constantly help with worship services. Paid to go on a mission trip? What's better...? (answer that for me)

I haven't played guitar in about three days. I shall do so.

It is fun to make up words:

spucker

sockle

trood

sadooley

wanerner

It is also fun to make up definitions for those words but I'll save that for another time.

Here's to end of semester fun.

Relativity

2008-04-04T16:52:00.002-04:00

Yeah, it is hot out here. I'm thinking about going to find something to eat but I don't know what. I am pretty poor right now. I'm thinking by the end of the semester I should be starving.

-Man, I know what you mean. I never have any money and I never know when I'll get to eat. But you ain't starving man. Let me tell you what starving is. Starving is when your body is eating yourself. Starving is when you haven't used the bathroom in days and days.

Yeah, I know that. I don't think my body will start eating itself, I'll pray for the best. I'm pretty lucky I'll get $20 next week and I can sell my books at the end of the semester so I should be okay.

-Let me tell you something. I was at church you know, one of the few blessings in my life, and it was Sunday after the service and these people from the church were asking if I wanted to go eat with them and all I could think was "Man...I only have $3. And I ain't going to tell them I have absolutely no money...I hope they pick somewhere cheap." And it turns out they wanted to Taco Bell and I said "Whooo Lord! Thank you Jesus!" So we get to the restaurant and I order a hard taco and a soft taco and it comes out to $2.27 and I about did a dance right there in the restaurant.

That's crazy man. I bet that Taco Bell tasted really good. Hey, you said you're going to the Rec Center? I've got my car right up here if you want me to drive you the rest of the way.

-You got a car? I can't remember the last time I was in a car. That must have been...well...

Been a while, eh? My grandparents were generous enough to buy this for me as a graduation gift. They sold some land and paid this thing in full.

-Wow I wish I had some grandparents that nice. They sold the very land they lived on to send you to college? My grandparents don't own hardly anything...

Haha. No they own a lot of land.

-Oh, I was about to say that is one inspirational story and I was going to tell everybody.

Ha. Yeah it's still inspirational, I guess. It was good meeting you, man. Have fun playing basketball. Good talking with you.

-Yeah, bro. Maybe I'll see you around.

Let's go to sleep

2008-03-24T04:52:00.002-04:00

I find myself sleeping less and less.

Actually, what I think it is, is that I'm staying up later more often, but when I do sleep for real, I sleep a long time. So what does that mean? You're a nut! You're crazy in the coconut!

So it is four minutes until five in the morning and I'm not sure I wish I was asleep. Because the thing is when I'm really tired and wish I had sleep, I tend to think these crazy thoughts and I like to write them down and they make me laugh. And other times I might write something that's worth something. And now that I've started playing guitar that's just one more thing to do.

And now I feel the cold air creeping in the small crack I have left in the window and pray that by the time I have to go outside, the weather won't be so chilly. Although, like I told my friend Erica, cold air is still fresh air.

Also, the very reason for living was Sunday.

Life goes at the pace life wishes too.

I'm trying this new thing called patience. Weird.

Sleeeeep.

do it to it

2008-03-16T13:30:00.002-04:00

So after a delightful spring break, it is back to the dirty V. Back to realizing I have a lot of work to get done before tomorrow. And back to kicking myself for skipping class so much last week.

Back to the usual routine that I easily settled into again last night. And I look to the left and wonder when the hell I penciled "ass" onto my wall...

I left my toothbrush at home. Joy.

Now Edna St. Vincent Millay is laughing at me behind her mask of "What Lips My Lips Have Kissed." And my English teacher is thinking I'm a screw up because the only times I've skipped class have been on days it was important to attend.

Yes, college is super depressing sometimes. I do like to think of that while I lay alone in my bed. It is also super fun sometimes, though not as often. The fun times are always temporary. No matter what you do, you're going to end up alone in your bed at night, wondering who understands what you're thinking and how you feel.

Perhaps Cloud Cult will see me through today and the rest of the semester. "May Your Hearts Stay Strong" they suggest.

And breathe. And go. Do it to it.

Hunger and Headaches

2008-03-05T18:14:00.003-05:00

That is not a good combination.

Because the headache makes it difficult to choose what to eat. And who to eat with. I don't know that anybody would want to eat with me at this point in time.

I was offered a job at Yellowstone for the summer. There's just a little conflict.

Today a girl told me I look "fresh." I haven't heard that one in a while.

I am hungry.

Taylor...

2008-02-29T20:06:00.001-05:00

...does a lot of stupid things.

And a lot of good things.

I do not think the bad things outshine the good things, or the other way around.

They cancel each other out, and all is neutral.

But, it seems to me, being neutral is just as bad as being negative.

Be afraid of being content.

days gone

2008-02-24T15:53:00.000-05:00

I miss you last night and today.

Hosanna

2008-02-18T01:44:00.002-05:00

Some things are just flat out depressing.

Perhaps, a death that could so easily be prevented.

Perhaps, somebody you know that you know isn't a Christian. And then needlessly dies.

I hope that kind of thing does not happen to me.

"The faint of heart win not the fair maiden."

That's an unrelated quote from Disney's Robin Hood. I just like it.

Anywhere you go let me go, too

2008-02-11T00:42:00.000-05:00

I got a book. Off Amazon. Called.

"They Like Jesus But Not The Church"

And it is a book after my own heart.

And I love it.

Every stupid Christian ever should read it.

I think it goes hand in hand with unChristian but I haven't read that one, yet. Though I have purchased it.

The main point of this book, so far, is that us Christians really need to learn how to be Christians. Real ones. Because the fake ones we are just aren't accomplishing what we're supposed to.

Non-Christians do not like Christians, but we're all too involved with other Christians to care.

Dirty.

"Christians."

Somewhat extended

2008-02-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

EP of what I noted on the Facebook.

Sometimes I go to church and sometimes I like to respond to the message here. That is, if it struck me in some significant manner, and then I would like to tell anybody else that cares to read it.

So anyway, the dude talking the other night started talking about how we can make Christianity an idol by forgetting what it's all about. And I almost tuned him out because that's nothing new to me. Anything can be an idol or distraction, except for stripped down, bare-bones Christianity. Not your own version.

Yeah, yeah, great, so on and so forth. Then the dude began talking about how we, as humans, are so critical, and we will find just some minute imperfection in something, and completely write it off, so we say we don't like whatever it is, that we hate it. How often, he asks, do you find yourself in church and immediately start finding things you don't like about it? Or how about a movie? "Oh, the ending sucked, therefore the whole movie sucked."

Do you let that effect your attitude towards the church service? How many times have you listened to a message and said to yourself, "Well, I don't think I'll go back there because I didn't really get anything out of it." Or, maybe you didn't like the music. Maybe you didn't like the location. Maybe the atmosphere isn't right. Maybe the person next to you smelled terrible. Maybe you had a lot of gas and were uncomfortable around people. Maybe you didn't feel Jesus moving around the room. Maybe you didn't hear an audible voice in your ear whispering the things you think you need to hear. Maybe you just weren't feeling it. Maybe you don't even believe in God.

"Fuck you," this guy says. "God is everywhere and in everything. The problem is not the speaker, the worship leader, or the church as a whole. There is nothing wrong with the atmosphere. You are the problem. You aren't in the right mind. If you didn't get anything out of the message, you weren't paying attention well enough. Obviously if yo u are there, God has a reason for it and thinks there's something you should know. God is there, no matter what. So get over yourself and open your head."

Okay, maybe he didn't say the fuck word.

The point is, no matter what it is, not necessarily just for a church service, try to look past the parts you don't like. You aren't going to find a church where you love everything. A lot of people let that get in the way. Look and listen to what God is doing. He's always there and everywhere.

Like my bumper sticker says, "Positive feelings rule."

Also, on a post-it note pushed out to the side, the prayer of a fasting man is a very powerful tool. I have first hand experience.

Mountain Top

2008-02-04T20:25:00.000-05:00

Today I got out of my literature class way early, and had a good hour before my philosophy class started. So I decided to enjoy weather typical of Valdosta in February (a balmy 77 degrees), and lay down on a bench. There was a pleasant breeze and a bright sun. I pretended I was on top of a mountain. The construction of the new dorm nearby reminded me of how close to the ground I really was. Coupled with the sound of obnoxious yelling college students, it was a boner kill. No matter.

If anybody wants to go to New Orleans tomorrow...holler at your boy.

If anybody knows who the real Slim Shady is, start a clothing line.

If anybody knows why I can't shut my jaw all the way, you're an oral surgeon.

Summer

2008-02-02T15:23:00.000-05:00

Hopefully my summer will have me at Yellowstone, Grand Teton, or Rocky Mountain National Park. It will be a job that doubles as a mission trip. The missions part will be being friends with people I work with and what not. The job part where be will I work. In my off time I will sit in a spot for hours and stare at whatever might pass by. The awesome part will be everything. So maybe I'll get to do that.

On a side note, I should probably get a job right now.

On a post-it note, I want a nap.

Ah, food.

2008-01-31T12:57:00.000-05:00

Food is delicious. It smells pretty good sometimes, too. Who would've thought?

Go check out U-N-I if you get the chance.

And don't skip class, especially if it's at 11:00. That isn't even early. Oops.

I leave you now with a hilarious word: crotch.

Father, please forgive me.

2008-01-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

For I cannot compose the fear that lives within me, or the rate at which it grows.

It's 6 AM. And it hurts so bad I can't sleep.

But it's a good hurt. And I only have one more day. And one more night.

Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?

Hold Fast

2008-01-28T22:19:00.000-05:00

Here's a hilarious anecdote: Today in philosophy we were talking about the ebb and flow of the tide. About how it's been going on for millions of years, but nothing lasts forever, so that must mean that the ebb and flow is going to stop in the next few years. "Somebody call Al Gore," my friend Dustin says.

Today I started a three day fast. I think it's three days. What is Wednesday minus Monday? So far nothing really spiritual, no answers yet. It is amazing how food smells so good when you can't have it.

Today nothing really felt right. Everything was out of place. Was it because I didn't eat today?

Which brings up a question I've been pondering today: if you knew you were going to die, what would your last meal be?

this is new

2008-01-24T17:39:00.000-05:00

brand new.

Whenever I think of something worth anything which isn't really much of anything, it will be here.